Space to Breathe

If I had the time
the thoughts
the clarity

What would I dream?

What thoughts would drift upward
a praise unto their Maker
and recall the abilities blessed
upon this life?

My hours of daily meditation
seem no meditation at all
The days tumble over one another
each hour filled with one thing
or another

And yet to where did they escape?
What is left to mark their passing?
What evidence traces out the moments?

Time etches onto the calendar
And I strive to make meaningful
what I am given

Life is full
and beautiful
yet sometimes I seek space

Space
to breathe
to be present
to create

And space is what I must take
when it is given
I do believe it is given
if I stop to recognize it around me

Kelly Carr
3/28/09

We're doing OK after the past week we had. Thanks for your prayers. We feel God's strength.

The weekend's warm weather lifted our spirits. And I enjoyed taking Kaelyn on a short, late-afternoon trip to the zoo yesterday! I did want to post some different thoughts I had this past weekend. Just in case sharing helps anyone else—and it helps me to share and process!

My first random thought was a little snarky. I realized that, back when I was 5, my brother died in March. Several years ago, my grandmother died in March. And then we found out about the baby last week, which is, of course, in March (in case you didn't already figure that out!). So maybe March just sucks for me! I thought about boycotting March this year, like refusing to call it by name, instead choosing either February Part II or Pre-April. Those are my options right now! :) I do know some good people born in March—maybe that will help me reconsider this boycott.

And on a more serious note, I went through some grieving emotions on Friday night and wrote this poem during my tears:


We gave you no funeral
Gave you no name
You were a heartbeat that
appeared on the screen one week
And disappeared the next
We didn't get to know who you were
boy or girl
personality
color of your eyes or hair
I was so scared
And now so sad
Sorry that we missed the chance
to meet on earth

3/6/09
by Kelly Carr